Licence to be Weird
by uzumaki rakku
Summary: Kohana was a textbook Genin with a textbook Genin life, and never ran into any of the extraordinary situations like others did. But what she did not know was that the textbook was never actually supposed to survive the field... Part of Ode to the Nobody.


**Textbook vs Reality.**

**Vaguely related to _The Unknown Shinobi_ – the character here is like a younger, female version of him.**

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><p>Kohana had always thought herself to be <em>reasonably <em>impressive.

Despite the woefully unimaginative name her parents had given her, her plain appearance, and a rather boring personality, she considered herself to be quite impressive as a ninja.

Oh, sure, she was never top of her class in the Academy, but she always passed easily and scored fairly high. She had no special ability to boast of, but she did well enough for a first-generation kunoichi. She knew all the Shinobi rules pretty well and always behaved sensibly like what a kunoichi _should _be like – and that, of course, was something her peers never quite bothered with.

—Sleeping during class! _Skipping _class altogether! Talking so _loudly _all the time! Not carrying enough weapons! Wearing _hot pink! And red! And neon yellow stripes!_

_Urgh._

She looked down her flat little nose at all of them, and prided herself on how _she _had the common sense to wear neutral colours which blended well with the surroundings, and was always borderline obsessive about being well-prepared. And thus, when she graduated with decent marks – somewhere within the upper-middle range of her year's batch – she thought it would be fairly easy to progress to the next level. The second Genin test came as a rather unpleasant surprise, but her team passed.

Her Jounin-sensei had looked the three of them over with a critical eye, after they barely managed to complete the task given to them, and shrugged.

"You'll do, I suppose. Nowhere near good, but okay enough. Hmph. You pass."

(Her sensei was most definitely not one who bothered about being nice with words.)

So she continued her _appropriate ninja behaviour_ throughout her Genin days, and never wavered a millimetre from her _sensible _dress code – not even during D-ranked missions.

So what if she was not pretty? While other girls who were _supposed _to be kunoichi busied themselves with make-up and fashionable clothes, she was always being perfectly practical. Cosmetics had a tendency to smudge onto other things and left traces everywhere. There was no point in dressing up to look nice, she thought, if it would impede her movement. There was not a single skirt in her closet, and not a single tube of lipstick in her drawer. (One of her teammates questioned her femininity, and she just sneered at him in disgust.)

She lectured her happy-go-lucky teammates about the importance of _always being prepared _until they were ready to duct-tape her mouth, and mentally scoffed at them when they told her to shut up. Their sensei mostly ignored her obsessiveness on such matters, save for the occasional remark that she should perhaps lighten up a little, and her regard for him dropped half a mile after that. His general lack of brilliance and distinction as a Jounin had already been disappointing enough.

Kohana was a textbook Genin with a textbook Genin life, and never ran into any of the extraordinary situations like others did. She believed it was because she was the only one who actually bothered following what the textbook said.

(What she did not know, however, was that the textbook was never supposed to survive the field, and extraordinary situations were actually the norm.)

But everything suddenly changed, after her team's first attempt to pass the Chuunin exams. Her teammates zoomed past her in abilities and skill, leaving her way behind in the dust. When they took the exams again, she was the only one who failed while the other two gleefully shot up to Chuunin – but crashed horribly on their first B-ranked mission.

Kohana stared blankly at the two new graves, then left to train harder.

(She didn't have the heart to lecture them about _proper shinobi behaviour _anymore, even though their carelessness was the reason they died.)

She took the exams again, this time with a temporary team, and finally managed to pass. Her sensei nodded at her, briefly, before leaving her to handle herself from that point on. The freshly-promoted Chuunin started taking simple C-ranked missions to get used to her new rank, but nothing could quite prepare her for the unpleasant shock she got...

...when she discovered what Jounin were _really _like.

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Kotetsu raised an eyebrow as Kohana almost stomped out of the Jounin lounge, looking absolutely scandalized.

...or as scandalized as someone like her could look, with her usual stiff attitude.

"What?"

"A-are they _always _like that? With that green... green... green... spandex _monstrosity _and the absolutely impractical dress and reading that _thing _while on duty and _senbon! _Biting _senbon! _Not to mention _smoking! _What – what in the _world _do they think they're doing—"

Izumo groaned in exasperation, shaking his head. "Newbies," he rolled his eyes. "Think they know _everything _about being a ninja just 'cause they're Chuunin now."

Kohana stared down her nose at him, looking highly affronted. "Oh, like _you _know so much yourself. _You're _a Chuunin too!"

"Well, at least we've got some sense," Kotetsu shrugged. "Can't say the same for you, though."

The fuming kunoichi looked like she wanted to sock him in the _face._

He was quite surprised she didn't, actually.

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"Why does he smoke so much?" She finally asked another Jounin during a mission, when the Sandaime Hokage's son was out of earshot. "I mean, anyone with _common sense _knows that's taking a huge risk – the smell alone could alert enemies, and _surely _that's going to damage his health? I thought he's supposed to be a _Jounin _and all, but – "

She shut her mouth when the Jounin narrowed his eyes at her, but bristled a little under his despising gaze.

"There's a reason that _Sarutobi _Asuma-san is Konoha's only wind user worth mentioning. Do you think he would be a Jounin – or a shinobi _at all _– if he hasn't already dealt with all those 'problems' you brought up?" The man snorted. "Let me tell you something, _Chuunin."_

Kohana winced at the harshness of his tone. He simply continued on with no regard for her feelings.

"Jounin are Jounin for a reason. Only two categories of ninja don't abide by this thing you call common sense: Genin, 'cause they don't really know any better; and those who are Jounin or above, 'cause it doesn't apply to them anymore. And y'know why?"

He inclined his head towards the others, and Kohana thought she saw a faint hint of envy in his eyes. "It's 'cause they're _strong. _Strong enough to do what they like sometimes. The weak don't bother with always being _'sensible',_ 'cause people'll take care of them. The strong don't _need _to bother 'cause they're strong enough on their own, so they have licence to be weird if they want to."

"But that doesn't make _sense_..."Kohana began desperately, only to be cut off by a derisive snort.

"You still don't get it, do you? I'll tell you this: stuffy stuck-up people like _you _who only know how to spout this _common sense _at others are those who will never be anything more than _mediocre," _he snapped in disgust. "You're pathetic, y'know that? You don't know the first thing about being a ninja, and there you go thinking _you're _the only one who's always right. Pathetic and mediocre. That's all you'll ever be."

"That's enough already," Asuma said, suddenly coming up behind them and making her jump. "It's about time we get back."

She avoided his gaze and scurried away, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

_(Unprofessional.)_

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Kohana found herself stuck in a daze for the entire journey back, despite how her mind nagged and nagged at her for being so careless. She quietly followed her team through Konoha's gate, and the truth hit her just as hard as the Jounin's harsh words—

Hatake Kakashi didn't bother putting away his porn and didn't bother being on time _because he could. _

Maito Gai wore bright green spandex, made all kinds of enthusiastic declarations at the top of his voice and acted utterly ridiculous _because he could. _

Sarutobi Asuma smoked, slacked and smoked some more _because he could. _

Yuuhi Kurenai wore her unusual dress and let her hair grow long, long and longer _because she could. _

Mitarashi Anko dressed more scandalously than anyone in the village _because she could, _too, even if she was just a Tokubetsu Jounin.

Shiranui Genma walked around with a freaking long senbon between his teeth _because he could _and he could easily kill a man with it, too.

The Densetsu no Sannin all had long hair regardless of gender also _because they could._ Jiraiya's hair was known for being ridiculously long, and he used it as a _weapon. _

Tsunade wore high heels which no other kunoichi dared to, because she was the only one who could wear those and _still create a crater with just one stomp. _

Namikaze Minato kept his long blond hair and his trademark red-and-white Hokage trench coat _because he could. _

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And as she stared, numb with shock, while a laughing yellow-and-orange blur raced by with a horde of annoyed shinobi in his wake, she realised that he probably wore that colour _because he could, _too.

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><p>.<p>

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**This may and may not be a prequel to _The Girl at the Missions Desk_, after Kohana decides to join ANBU – because she can.**


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